The unfortunate former Royal discovers how the tables have turned, and how he must let his whole guard down.
Andrew Windsor Mountbatten’s work and social life have taken a serious blow since sordid revelations about his association with the professional pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein, emerged. Details of salacious trips to Epstein’s island on the so-called ‘Lolita Express’, where the former prince allegedly jumped on anything with a pulse, paint a harrowing picture of depravity.
Although his days of lavish living and entitlement are at an end he still has many financial obligations. He’s since reconnected with old Navy friends he once served with, in search of work. One such friend, Rear Admiral Archibald de Vere, said ‘in the Navy there’s always work for a man with a strong grip and a robust gag-reflex’. ‘The high seas can be so unforgiving on a man’s stomach’, he added hastily.
Andrew, affectionally known as the ‘Duke of Puke’ while serving on the HMS Medulla Oblongata, is particularly prone to seasickness. He doesn’t much like the idea of a demotion, either, which would necessitate him manage much of the officer’s seamen.
The former duke has also been contacted by an old friend, whose name he is unwilling to divulge. He represents an agency for royals who are ‘down on their luck’. The generous benefactors, who hail from around the world, take one such royal ‘under their wing’. ‘They lavish them with gifts and compliments and ask for only a small sacrifice in return’, says Andrew’s friend, swallowing hard. ‘It appears a Saudi Prince has taken a particular liking to you Andrew,’ he adds smiling oddly. ‘His name is Sheik Abdullah Bin ‘the Fist’ Osman,’ and assures him unconvincingly ”the Fist’ moniker has no sexual connotations whatsoever’.
Andrew’s face suddenly turned an ashen color he asked for the interview to end. ‘It’s been a rather challenging day’, he says, mopping his brow. ‘But I think I now finally understand the meaning of karma’, he says as he jumps on his jalopy and cycles unsteadily in the general direction of the airport.
