The Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, banned photographers from future Pentagon press conferences because they hurt his feelings. Confusingly, Hegseth publicly excoriates those that push a “politically correct” world view, a philosophy he openly abhors. The Secretary has made his name promoting a “no-nonsense, say it as it is” brand of politics, which stands in stark contrast to his ‘snowflake’ response to a recent release of unflattering Pentagon photos.
In an effort to shore up his fragile ego Hegseth recently rebranded the US DoD’s ‘Department of Defense’ the ‘Department of War’, although oddly retained the title of ‘Secretary’. Analysts suggest something “fishy” is going on, despite the Trump administration’s repeated claims of transparency. Nevertheless, a simple re-brand of a government department would never satisfy the ego of a man-child who still wears superman pajamas to bed.
Speculation abounds over why exactly Hegseth pushed for war with Iran, with hometown friends pointing to his frequently losing board games, such as Risk and Battleship. It is those crushing childhood failures, some say, that precipitated a festering and stinging insecurity. His jelly-like tactical and strategic wobbles led to explosive tantrums and overturned game boards, and ultimately, to a regional war in the Middle East.
Trump’s appointment of Hegseth as head of the DoW was therefore seen by many as controversial, particularly by the left. However, his stint as angry Fox News anchor, his drunken frat-boy antics and frequent brushes with law enforcement made him an on-brand addition to the Trump administration.
In summary, the Iran War is essentially nothing more than the most epic and vainglorious Cosplay fantasy developing in real-time the world has ever seen. The odd rationales given by the Trump Administration for starting the war – 27 different ones, including brain freeze, indigestion and bad NFL refereeing – provides substantial credence to this theory.
So although some might say he is transparent, lacking in backbone, and an aimless drifter, others simply dub him the ‘Man-O-War’.
