Starmer Dodges Davos, Hides Under Table
British PM Keir Starmer hasn’t been this scared since his trip to the vet
Keir Starmer, UK Prime Minister and professional invertebrate, was conspicuously absent from the Davos World Economic Forum this week. The annual event gathers senior-level figures in business and economics from around the world, to discuss trade, economic policy and cooperation.
It also marks an opportunity for world leaders to meet face-to-face with Trump since his inflammatory rhetoric on annexing Greenland. While most leaders are in attendance at the forum in Switzerland, Keir Starmer is reportedly hiding under the dining table inside 10 Downing Street.
All efforts by his wife and staff to coax him out have been in vain. It is believed his latest episode of abject cowardice resulted from an extremely rare act of assertiveness. Starmer, in a recent phone conversation with Trump, stunned his senior staff by telling his master that the imposition of tariffs on Europe ‘was…gulp…wrong’. Trump immediately slammed the phone down, after which the quailing PM threw himself under the dining table, screeching hysterically ‘WHAT HAVE I DONE, WHAT HAVE I DONE???’.
‘Sadly, many months of intensive therapy has been undone’, his psychiatrist lamented. ‘It took a whole month to stop the PM reflexively pulling his trousers down and bending over whenever Trump walked into the room. Sphincter rehabilitation had improved greatly, but now you can drive a bus up there’, he added despondently.
In the meantime, Starmer’s chief of staff and wet-nurse notified the forum organizers of his inability to attend, owing to pressing domestic issues, such as the highly controversial 10% pet-store tax on hamsters.
“It took a whole month to stop the PM reflexively pulling down his trousers and bending over whenever Trump walked into the room” – Dr. Fungaldingus
