FED Chair to get the electric chair, says Trump
The US FED’s Jerome Powell was indicted on crimes against humanity by the Trump Administration yesterday. The Trump appointed head of the American Federal Reserve has been a thorn in the President’s side during this second term. Powell has refused to bend to Trump’s will, and insists he will continue to do what is best for the American economy.
Such defiance has raised eyebrows internationally since virtually everyone who Trump threatens suffers a case of Sudden Onset Spinal Devolution, or SODS, whereby the spinal column completely dissolves and becomes entirely undetectable. Where once stood upright citizens now slither humanoid jellyfish.
European leaders, who have suffered particularly badly from SODS, have been clamoring to study Powell’s DNA in the hope of finding the source of his immunity. ‘Alors’, gargled President Macron from his EU HQ aquarium. ‘We must fan-d ….glag…ze sourze of ‘iz pow-erz…glug…
The tragic Irish Taoiseach (PM), Michael Martin, is a particularly advanced case. With the Irish economy heavily reliant on American Biotech companies for revenue, the small European country has fallen under the withering Eye of Donald. Martin is mostly gelatinous now, appearing to be at the at same stage of life on Earth during the Ediacaran, some 550 million years ago.
Powell on the other hand stands resolute. The indictment claims Powell lied to congress about the Federal reserve HQ renovations costs. Specifically, and amongst the more serious charges listed on the indictment, Powel is alleged to have overspent $2.79 on a toilet seat and $3.99 on a light switch.
It is certainly understandable why the President has decided to hold such egregious examples of profligacy to account.
The Daily Ferret will report further once the court date nears.
