Trump, with the strategic agility of a deer – one firmly lodged in the grille of an 18-wheeler semi – has turned a “quick and simple” regime change in Iran into a protracted regional conflict.
Analysts and fry-cooks alike recognize the Strait of Hormuz’s strategic importance to Iran as leverage in any future “disagreements”. Sadly, not Donald Trump. Though he now retrospectively states he did, in fact, predict Iran’s closure of the strait, planning for this was plainly “a drag”. After all, it takes most of a day to scrape off the orange clown paint before hitting the fairways.
More troubling, it appears that the mammoth task of planning a full engagement with Iran turned out to be 1% “bombing” and 99% organizing an open-topped white-Cadillac, ticker-tape parade down 5th Avenue. Furthermore, most of the 1% was written down with washable crayon, so the details were accidentally wet-wiped from the record.
It is also becoming increasingly apparent that Trump may be working at the behest of another morally questionable individual, none other than Israel’s PM Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu. But don’t let the adorable moniker fool you. Bibi’s moral compass was replaced by a sat-nav whose batteries ran out in Feb ’92. Since then Netanyahu has driven a steady course into the moral abyss.
Nevertheless, Netanyahu is a cunning political operator whose modus operandi can be described as Machiavellian, a term Trump believes refers to a brand of herbal tea. If Netanyahu’s signature is a razor-sharp scalpel, Trump’s is an oversized, inflatable mallet.
We can only speculate what enticements Bibi dangled before Trump for him to wield the might of the US military against Iran. Ha! Who am I kidding! It was money, of course.
And so if the unfortunate deer represents Trump’s strategic prowess, then desperate Don must be the 18-wheeler and Bibi the apocalyptic maniac behind the wheel.
